When I Was Your Man

Pain.  That's what he felt with every beat of his heart.

Loss.  The unmistakable hurt.

Regret.  He knew he should have done things differently...



But none of that matters now.  It's already too late.

So now he sits, all alone, on Bonnie's bed.  Funny how it never seemed so big and lonely before.

There's that sound.  That wonderful, beautiful sound.

Her laughter.

He couldn't help but wonder who it was that was making her laugh.  Making her happy. He knew it wasn't him.

Not anymore.

It pained him to realize that it would never be him again.
 
As he lays his head back, he hopes he dreams of her.  As much as it will hurt, he hopes to see her, in all her beauty, staring back at him with those emerald green eyes...

Suddenly, his eyes blink open.

Music.

When had that started?

As he brings himself to his feet, he feels a stabbing in his heart.
 
Dancing.  She loved to dance.

Everyone in the room seemed to be overtaken by the urge to move in beat to the music.  

Out of all the moving bodies, two stood out.

Woody and Jessie.

He could see them, twirling around and smiling at each other.  Like no one else exists.

Like he used to stare at her.

Woody could barely keep up with her, and it made her laugh.  That wonderful, beautiful laugh.

And it made Woody smile.

"Hey, Buzz.  Why aren't you down there?"  Chuckles asked him.  Oblivious to what he was going through.

"Because, I already missed my chance."  Buzz replied with a sigh, as he hung his head and sat at the end of the bed.

As he watched his friends dance, he couldn't help but think of all the times Jessie begged him to dance...and he refused.  Once.  He had only danced with her once.

And now he never would again.

He should have given her more of his time.  It wouldn't have been hard.  

Why is he only just realizing this now?

He couldn't help but notice that Woody and Jessie's hands never parted.

Not once.

Then, he felt something else.  Another feeling that he couldn't quite place.

As he watched his friends he felt...hope.

But it was a different kind of hope...the kind only the downtrodden and hopeless can feel.  A bitter-sweet agony.

He hopes that she will be happy.  Even if it's not with him.

He hopes that Woody will always dance with her, every time she asks.  

And never let her hand go.
 
And always keep her happy.

He hoped Woody would do everything for her that he failed to do.

In a sick sort of way, he hoped that it would always hurt, every time her heard her name.

Jessie.

If it always pained him, then he knew that he was finally doing something right.

He was finally loving her the way she deserved to be loved.  Even if it was too late.